Disease Called Affection
by AngelsBeast
Summary: The organisation in finally down but it had a price. Shinichi began to seperate himself from his friends.Why is he doing it?What happened to him to make him close his heart?The only one he can't reject is KID. He's the only one who really understands...and the best (heart-)lock-picker /little shonen-ai;my first try to write something in the direction of Hurt/Comfort;Please Review!


**Hi there!**  
 **First things first: I am German.**  
 **I am terribly sorry for all the mistakes, really I am.**  
 **Please don't be to hard on me!**  
 **I hope you'll like it.**  
 **In the beginning it's a bit dark, but there is a sweet ending, promise!**  
 **Have fun!**

 **AngelsBeast**

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 **For the formality: I don't own DC or MK. But the 'plot' of this story kame out of my own twisted mind :)  
**

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Ever since Shinichi Kudo returned, he was different than before.  
Very different.  
He was... Cold.  
Heart shut carefully.  
Since he came back, he locked his heart, not allowing anyone to come near to its centre.  
One sign for that was how he managed his 'relationship' with Ran. He told her he was sorry, but he couldn't return her feelings. That action of him ended in weeks of tears and sadness from Ran. Ran  
She's still in love with him.  
But he changed.  
He wouldn't let anyone tear his true self, it is buried deep inside him.  
He became like a cold machine, correct, intelligent and without any emotion.  
Ran suffered the most from it.  
He was away very often. But when he was home and they met, it seemed as he wasn't really there, like he impersonated himself just to keep up the facade of his old self to the rest of the world.  
A mask for the world to hide the broken soul beneath it.  
And why?  
Because every person, everyone near him, all the people he loved...  
He brought them into a dangerous game.  
Well, the organisation was now completely destroyed.  
Finally.  
But as a detective, he is confronted with danger permanently.  
And he swore to himself to never put a person in danger like that again.  
Ever. Again.  
His old love for Ran restricted his detective senses, made them dull.  
 _Love makes your heart race, it plays with your senses and turns your brain into a fuzz because of the pure luck you feel._  
 _It's the most wonderful feeling in the world._  
 _But for me,_ Shinichi thought bitterly, _it means that my greatest weapon, my mind, isn't working with 100% like it should. I'll miss things and bring everyone in danger._  
Just like it happened shortly before the Black Organisation was destroyed.  
So he closes his heart to protect his dearest, but at the same time, he hurts them more than he can imagine, he knows that.  
But he also knows that he'll never forgive himself if something happens again.  
So that's how he decided to separate himself from them to avoid bringing them in danger.  
Right now, he sat at a table in a café with Ran.  
They talked.  
Like always.  
He loved their talks, he really does.  
But he is also aware of that mask that he's showing his childhood friend. That painful happy mask, covering his suffering and his guilt.  
And the worst thing is, he knows that she knows about it.  
No doubt about it.  
She knows him, better than anyone, even better as his parents probably.  
She knew and accepted him as Conan, knowing the hiding was necessary.  
He hated it to see how his wrong smile seemed to cut into her heart.  
He hated himself for not being able to return her feelings.  
But he really didn't her like that any more.  
Was it because his time as Conan?  
...perhaps.  
But still, he had his reasons.  
"Ran.", he suddenly cut in.  
She blinked in surprise as she saw his serious face. Her large blue eyes were so full of her pure feeling that his normally so carefully placed mask got a crack for the first time.  
And she saw it.  
His true face, not even nearly for a second.  
But she saw.  
Her eyes went large.  
"Sh-Shinichi...?", she asked concerned.  
"Do you... Do you want me to go?", he asked quietly.  
Silence.  
"What so you mean... Why would you...?", she began, but he cut her off with a gentle tone in his voice.  
"Ran. I see how it hurts you. So please. Be honest. Should I go?"  
They hold eye contact for a long time till the girl responded with tears rising up in her blue orbs combined with the understanding what he meant. "I... I... No. I don't want that, Shinichi! Really, I... I..." She sniffed silently.  
The detective sighed. "Ran.", he said gently and took her hand into his and squeezed it a little bit to comfort her. "It hurts you. It hurts you when I am around. I will not leave if you still want my company. But if you ever get enough of it... Tell me. Please. Just... Save yourself the pain. 'Kay?"  
She hesitated, then nodded. " 'Kay...", she murmured. "Just... What happened, Shinichi? What had to happen to bring you to lock yourself in your own heart?", she asked and her voice broke.  
He wanted to tell her.  
He wanted it so bad.  
But... No. It would be to much of a burden for her. A mental burden.  
While she knew about him being Conan, he never told her about the day he faced Gin.  
That mad killer.  
The talk they had combined with some torture that monster made him go through was the point where he changed.  
As that psycho began to tell him his plans how he will handle that 'little problem' of him surviving...  
He kidnapped them.  
The children.  
Heiji.  
Ran.  
He didn't do much to them.  
But Shinichi heard their screams, trying to sacrifice themselves to save him, him, who brought them into this mess!  
Saving Kudo Shinichi because they couldn't bare his cries of pain, being part physical, part psychical.  
And as he heard that all five of them tried to help him so desperately, willing to risk so much for him, even their lives, he stopped shouting.  
He just stopped.  
It didn't matter what that bastard Gin did.  
Well, he couldn't do much, he needed him alive and healthy. So he cut him, cut his skin, till his blood flooded over his body and he went dizzy.  
But he didn't scream.  
His friends didn't knew he heard them.  
And they'll never know.  
They knew he was tortured, but the rest, the conversation...  
Gin documented their begging on a tape, their begging to leave him, Shinichi, alone, and played it in front of the detective.  
That was the worst part.  
But then there was...  
"Shinichi?", Ran asked and interrupted these painfully memories.  
His gaze went up just to met her concerned look.  
"I'm okay."  
As far as he could be.  
She nodded, seeming to have the same thought.  
Some time later they separated.  
On the way home his mind went back to these events of horror.  
The torture, his friends...  
And those strong warm arms, wrapped in the purest white, which freed him from the ropes that hold him in place, lifting him up gently, colouring his clothing into dark red because of Shinichis blood.  
Those deep indigo eyes looking at him, nearly piercing trough his own.  
The gloved hand taking the gun out of Shinichis trembling hands and tossing it to the other side of the room.  
He shot at Gin with it.  
Shot him into his knee. Then his shoulder. Finally his torso.  
He was still alive.  
But it had to hurt like hell.  
His view blurred, he slowly closed his eyes.  
He still felt like hearing Kaitou KIDs voice. Deep and smooth.  
"Tantei-kun? Hey! Don't fall asleep! Oi! Please, don't! Hold on! Metantei, don't leave me here! Shinichi! Shinichi!"  
"Shinichi!"  
His gaze shot up at that beautiful voice, matching with his memories.  
In front of his gate sat a young man wearing jeans and a black shirt with a wide collar, combined with a cap hiding his face and hair. Only some wild dark chocolate curls escaped it and reflected the sun.  
Shinichi froze.  
In the light of the late sun, the other one looked so surreal, so unreal perfect.  
"...KID.", he said after a while.  
The thief stood up and walked slowly towards the detective like trying to avoid to scare him like a wild animal.  
Two meters were between them as he stopped and fixated him with these magic indigo blue eyes.  
"...Wanna walk?", he asked after a while.  
He was the first person.  
The first who asked something else than 'are you okay?', 'what happened?' or 'talk about it!'.  
The midnight magician knows him.  
Really knows him.  
And he knows what happened as he was alone with Gin.  
After all, the thief saved him.  
"Sure.", the detective replied after a short silence.  
They began to walk slowly, heading for the park.  
None of them said a word, it was a comfortable silence between them.  
The wind blew around them, letting the autumn coloured tree leaves perform a magical dance, and separating them from the rest of the world.  
In the park, they sat down between orange and red coloured trees in a part without many visitors.  
They were alone and enjoyed the warm wind that caressed their faces and played with their hair.  
Shinichi closed his eyes.  
How long couldn't he do that without seeing the pictures of horror in his head? Imagining hearing screams?  
 _Far_ _to_ _long_ _ago._  
Yes.  
But here, with KID... He could finally relax for the first time since it happened.  
It was so relaxing...  
Suddenly he felt a weight on his shoulder and his eyes snapped open, searching for the danger.  
But it was just... KID. He leaned against the detective, closed eyes, face relaxed.  
Shinichi studied him.  
His long dark eye lashes being a strong contrast to his creamy pale skin, some dark bangs falling into his face, the perfect features, high cheekbones, the line of his chin, his softly curved throat, his neck, those elegant collarbones... The smooth skin disappearing behind the wide collar of his black shirt...  
His eyes still on the thief, he relaxed again.  
Suddenly the indigo eyes snapped open, just to meet his own.  
They looked at each other, and it seemed like they understood each other just by looking into the others eyes, exchanging the deep sad feelings that they found no words for to describe them.  
Shinichi felt like drowning in these dark indigo blue eyes, but a good kind of drowning, wrapped into warmth.  
His heartbeat accelerated, the detective could feel it.  
Why is his heart doing that?  
Making his blood rush trough his body, heating it up?  
He closed his eyes again, trying to understand it.  
The thief snuggled into his shoulder and it e him grin slightly.  
Ah, what a good feeling to show a little bit of his emotions again...  
They just sat there, enjoying the silence and the peace.  
They were both wounded deeply.  
Both suffered.  
Both wore masks to the rest of the world.  
Both understanding the other without the need for words.  
Two parts of one.  
The detective turned his head toward KIDs and leaned against the body of the other.  
They enjoyed the present of the other one.  
He felt something against his hand and opened his eyes again.  
He saw KIDs hand sliding into his own, folding their fingers gently.  
Shinichi looked up into the thief's face, a little confused, meeting the eyes of the other.  
Slowly, he bowed towards Shinichi, giving him time to back out.  
But the Heisei Holmes didn't move.  
The thief's soft lips pressed warm and gentle against Shinichis.  
The detective closed his eyes, too, just enjoying the feeling running through his body.  
That warmth...  
 _Disease_ _called_ _affection._  
 _Called... love._  
 _Looks_ _like_ _I_ _have_ _it._  
 _And_ _I_ _can't_ _stop_ _myself,_ Shinichi thought as he kissed the young man back.  
 _With_ _him... My_ _senses_ _aren't_ _becoming_ _dull._  
 _We're_ _equals._  
 _We_ _are_ _two_ _parts_ _of_ _one._  
 _I_ _can_ _never_ _let_ _him_ _go._  
 _Even_ _if_ _I_ _try_ _to_ _lock_ _him_ _out, he_ _is_ _a thief._  
 _Plus, one_ _of_ _the_ _best_ _lock_ _pickers_ _I_ _ever_ _saw,_ he thought and smiled into their first kiss.  
He really didn't mind.  
With him by his side he can finally relax. He is feeling save, loved.  
Protected.  
As they parted he looked into the other man's eyes, knowing, he won't be able to live any more without him.  
Kaitou KID smiled at him.  
"Call me Kaito."  
 _Kaito..._  
Shinichi snuggled into Kaitos arms, bathing in the warmth of his body.  
Disease, hu?  
Well, if it includes Kaito, he can live with it.  
The phantom thief was the only one who understood him completely, being his equal, his live.  
He would definitely never be able to lock Kaito out of his heart.  
Never.  
Ever.

 **Hope** **you** **liked** **it.**

 **Please Review! What do you think about that story?**

 **Till** **next** **time!**


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